Anniversary dates should be recognized and remembered. I first learned about the importance of anniversary dates, of course, when I was married. But not until I began doing crisis response work did I come to understand the importance of anniversaries of tragic events in people’s lives. They are significant for other reasons many of us do not understand.
In the aftermath of any tragic event…911 or the tsunami in Sri Lanka or the Joplin, Missouri, tornado…it is important for the survivors to celebrate the lives of those lost in these tragedies and never forget the event itself. I am often touched by the many roadside markers with crosses, flowers and the names of their loved ones, acknowledging their last moments on this earth.
You probably wondering where I am heading with all of this. I am dealing with something I had hoped never to face — my own anniversary of a personal tragedy.
How Do I Get Past an Anniversary of a Personal Tragedy
On March 21, 2012, I became a divorced woman. It’s something I never wanted or expected, but yes, that’s the date the court granted my divorce after 42 years of marriage.
I was not sure how I would feel or what I would do, but I knew it meant something. Another rite of passage, a date that was never to be forgotten. I survived. I had made it one year and I was alive and working and was with people I cared about. I had even talked about a party to celebrate the day. I must admit I really did not feel like celebrating but I also knew I should talk about it and remember it. I also wanted to celebrate my moving to another place and time with my new status.
I did celebrate it that night with several other psychologists which meant I was not alone and feeling sorry for myself. I enjoyed good food and drinks and GREAT free counseling! It was good to take control by reaching out for support, and the result could not have been better.
We ended the evening sitting in front of a nice warm fireplace talking and laughing and even shedding a few tears. One year down and I am stronger and better than a year ago, a week ago and even a moment ago. Sure, I have good and not-good days but the better days are increasing and I am open to new adventures and life experiences.
Finding An Attitude of Gratitude
My family and I are finding better ways to be a family. A different family to be sure, but a family that is determined to love one another and be there to share all those anniversaries and celebrations. I thank God for my family, my friends and my team who helps me each and everyday to get back up and do what I can to do the great work for women’s empowerment that I am blessed to have been given.
One step at a time and one day at a time. Remember and acknowledge all your anniversary dates, both the good and maybe especially the not so wonderful. These dates…all of them…make you who you are and help to shape who you will be.
Many blessings to you.
~Dr. Nancy
Related Articles
[display-posts posts_per_page=”5″ include_excerpt=”true” image_size=”thumbnail” category=”relationship-trauma-recovery,women-who-survive,relationships”]