Most women can stop bullying at work by using the many techniques in our series on “Mean Women.” Maintaining your boundaries, managing your expectations, correcting your own sexist attitudes, understanding indirect aggression and building professional skills will all help you advance your career even if they don’t stop the bullying.
Keep Detailed Records of Abusive Behavior
If your mastery of all these skills doesn’t have the desired effect, you may need to file a formal complaint. Of course you have been keeping a record of all the events and behaviors where you are the only one targeted. (If everyone receives the same treatment, it’s just bad management and you are not likely to have a case.)
How to Approach Management
Talk to your manager in a matter-of-fact tone and show a copy of your record of the abusive behavior that is creating a “hostile working environment.” That’s the specific offense you are objecting to. If the manager does nothing, you may have grounds for filing a formal human resources complaint. If you have the stomach for this, contact a lawyer to guide you through the process. The details of this process are far beyond the scope of these blog posts, but an Internet search will get you started.
Be Realistic: Know Bullying Statistics
Be aware though, that “72% of bullies are bosses,” said Dr. Gary Namie, founder of the Workplace Bullying Institute. He notes that although many frustrated employees ultimately resort to confrontation, it usually does not produce the results they want. In fact, he says, “78 percent of bullied employees who come forward end up losing their jobs — they either quit, are ‘constructively discharged’, or outright fired.”
If your professional approach doesn’t work, and you don’t choose to file a lawsuit, don’t pout, blame yourself, give up, disconnect or become enraged. Many employers won’t act to stop this behavior and honestly, it can be a long struggle to try and make them. Take heart that you are not the first one to need to look for another job and move on.
And that may be the best advice: keep your head down and your professional standards up, find something far healthier and more supportive to your well-being and happiness, and wave good-bye to your dysfunctional work environment.
~Dr. Nancy
Have you encountered a book or website that helped you deal with mean behavior by other women? Please let us know in the comments below. We will check it out and post a link for other women to benefit.
Read the Whole Mean Women Series:
- Why Are Women So Mean To Other Women?
- Manage Your Expectations To Stop Bullying
- Manage Your Boundaries | Learn to Stop Bullying
- Stop Bullying and Advance Career by Building Professional Skills
- Correct Your Own Sexist Attitudes
- How to Deal with Indirect Aggression from Other Women
- Should You File a Formal Complaint About Abusive Behavior?