I recently went through a bag of handouts and notes from the Women In Communications national conference in Tulsa. So it was six months ago — so what? At least I went through them and found some gems to share with you.
June Werdlow Rogers, a retired DEA special agent in charge, spoke from her 28 years of law enforcement experience, a male dominated industry for sure.
I was struck by three main points she made and her list of the 10 things women most hate to hear a man say…
Avoid Title Defensiveness
It’s not about your title, it’s about the job you are doing. It’s not necessary to harangue someone who gets your title wrong — especially on camera. If you doubt this, search You Tube for “Call Me Senator.” Then look at all the spoofs and ads that resulted from it. Did Senator Boxer gain or lose by insisting the General use her proper title? The world might be watching. It’s military protocol to call even a female President of the United States ma’am — the equivalent of “Sir.”
Distinguish Love Taps from True Harassment
A “Love Tap” is the little dig that proves you’re one of the guys. Have you noticed that most men rib each other unmercifully? A woman who treated her friends that way would be considered a b***h, but it’s a normal affectionate guy thing. It’s different from baiting that is designed to keep you off kilter and make you feel excluded.
Learn from the experience, Rogers said. Know that it is not you. All women before you have experienced it as well, so learn from it. Shrug it off as inevitable for a woman who is breaking into a man’s world. Don’t dwell on it.
Prepare Carefully for Photographs
Think it through carefully. What is the visual message? I heard Jane Fonda talk once about the lifelong consequences after she followed a photographer’s suggestion to “Sit over here.” “Here,” of course, was the barrel of a cannon in Vietnam. She will never live it down. If you have any doubts, refuse. You don’t even need to give a reason. By the same token, Rogers recommends against ever being photographed with a beverage in hand, regardless of the type.
Make sure your image is fashionable and functional rather than faddish and flattering. It’s NOT about your womanly charms, right?
Top 10 Things Women Leaders Hate Hearing from Men
10. Women are too emotional.
9. Why are you always wearing pants?
8. Is it that time of the month?
7. Are you afraid of breaking a fingernail?
6. You’ll just quit when you get married.
5. Women have no guts; they’re not risk takers.
4. Women are bad leaders and men won’t follow them.
3. You took this job so you could find a husband.
2. You’re taking the job from man who needs it.
1. She got promoted by laying on her back. |
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Women Fight the Double Standard at Work
June Werdlow Rogers, a retired DEA special agent in charge, spoke from her 28 years of law enforcement experience, a male dominated industry for sure.
I was struck by three main points she made and her list of the 10 things women most hate to hear a man say…
Avoid Title Defensiveness
It’s not about your title, it’s about the job you are doing. It’s not necessary to harangue someone who gets your title wrong — especially on camera. If you doubt this, search You Tube for “Call Me Senator.” Then look at all the spoofs and ads that resulted from it. Did Senator Boxer gain or lose by insisting the General use her proper title? The world might be watching. It’s military protocol to call even a female President of the United States ma’am — the equivalent of “Sir.”
Distinguish Love Taps from True Harassment
A “Love Tap” is the little dig that proves you’re one of the guys. Have you noticed that most men rib each other unmercifully? A woman who treated her friends that way would be considered a b***h, but it’s a normal affectionate guy thing. It’s different from baiting that is designed to keep you off kilter and make you feel excluded.
Learn from the experience, Rogers said. Know that it is not you. All women before you have experienced it as well, so learn from it. Shrug it off as inevitable for a woman who is breaking into a man’s world. Don’t dwell on it.
Prepare Carefully for Photographs
Think it through carefully. What is the visual message? I heard Jane Fonda talk once about the lifelong consequences after she followed a photographer’s suggestion to “Sit over here.” “Here,” of course, was the barrel of a cannon in Vietnam. She will never live it down. If you have any doubts, refuse. You don’t even need to give a reason. By the same token, Rogers recommends against ever being photographed with a beverage in hand, regardless of the type.
Make sure your image is fashionable and functional rather than faddish and flattering. It’s NOT about your womanly charms, right?
Top 10 Things Women Leaders Hate Hearing from Men
10. Women are too emotional.
9. Why are you always wearing pants?
8. Is it that time of the month?
7. Are you afraid of breaking a fingernail?
6. You’ll just quit when you get married.
5. Women have no guts; they’re not risk takers.
4. Women are bad leaders and men won’t follow them.
3. You took this job so you could find a husband.
2. You’re taking the job from man who needs it.
1. She got promoted by laying on her back.
If you work in a male-dominated field and haven’t yet heard these things, stick around. And here’s the secret. Don’t get mad, get even — by doing the best, most professional, most even-handed job you can. Take the high road and you will never be sorry.
~Maggie Castrey, WomenSpeak Editor