As I mentioned in my last post, the foundation of the women-helping-women movement can be found in our connections. When you are actively looking for ways to make new connections, simply going to a conference or fundraiser or even a team meeting isn’t enough. You have to know what comes next—what to say or do to connect with other women in ways that yield real relationships and change lives (including yours) for the better.
It starts by making the mental shift from “What can I get from you?” to “What can we create together?” Honestly, this is not only the first step, it’s the key to successful connections. When we think of networking as a self-serving exercise, we really don’t want to do it. But when we infuse the process with sharing and giving, suddenly it works.
Going to functions alone is also a good idea because it forces you to meet people instead of spending the whole time chatting with friends and colleagues. It’s really hard for the majority of women to do this but once you get over your initial anxiety, you will see how natural (and fun) it feels. It’s also always a good idea to sit beside a woman you don’t know. Like showing up alone, this will force you to get to know someone new. It’s not as scary as it sounds, all you have to do is be friendly, introduce yourself, and find something in common.
Be prepared for the inevitable lags in a conversation by having three or four good “go-to” questions in the bag. It doesn’t matter what the questions are, but you might consider thought-provokers like “If time and money were no object, what would you be doing right now?” or “What is one goal you’d like to accomplish before you die?” or “What have you done lately that was fun?”
Another connection building skill is to practice being interested rather than interesting. Traditional networking used to involve “selling” your skills and showcasing your knowledge. Resist the urge to sell yourself and ask your new connection about her skills and really listen to her answers. One way to do that is to look for what she’s passionate about and stick to that topic for a while. You can tell when someone is excited by the way her eyes light up. When this happens keep the conversation going because passion is a powerful way to make connections.
And last, but definitely not least, avoid phoniness at all costs. Be real. Don’t hide or downplay your true nature or your beliefs to fit in or to make sure the person you’re connecting with likes you. Healthy relationships are built on transparency, and people respect this…even if you don’t agree on everything.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, connections matter. When women reach out and connect with each other, it not only changes their lives, it can help us collectively change the world. It is through each and every connection that the women-helping-women movement grows, and how together we will make a difference.
The Women-Helping-Women Movement Starts With Connections
