I hear from women in their 60s, 50s and even their 40s saying that they struggle to keep a happy romantic life going with their spouses. Sometimes the woman’s desire has faded, sometimes the partner’s. If one partner isn’t interested while the other is, that’s a problem! Often, everything else in the relationship seems good.
Do Women Let Go of Physical Pleasure as They Age?
Here’s good news: there’s no reason to let go of physical pleasure – ever, really. Women have a lot of worries in this area so I want to share some things women have said work for them in facing this common life challenge. Maybe you worry that your midriff has expanded, or that your thighs jiggle or your butt is lower to the ground than it was 20 years ago. OK, but now pause for a moment and take a good hard look at your partner. Does HE look like Adonis? Certainly not! So FUGEDDABOUTIT! Of course, it’s a matter of self-respect to take responsibility for your health, eat right, and exercise to keep fit, but stop obsessing that you’re not model-thin.
Let Your Lingerie Light Your Fire
Other than that, buy some flattering lingerie, light the fire, turn down the lights, and focus on sharing some fun!
If you’re the one who lacks the interest, don’t feel like you are abnormal. Many women go through times when they are not interested in a physical relationship, but this usually passes and they regain their ardor. Meanwhile, focus on sharing the love you feel for your partner. Studies have shown that when women go along with their partner’s preference, most of them can get in the mood and have a good time. It will be great for your relationship, and next year you may be the one who wants to initiate it.
Keep the Physical Relationship Going
There are many wonderful books available now to help men and women keep their physical relationship active throughout long lives. These guides can help with physical changes, weakness, health problems, and most especially with communication. It’s important to take time to talk in a friendly way about what you each want and expect. Talking and honestly communicating your needs is the core of any relationship.
Are Women Less Desirable at 50 than at 20?
Women often worry that they are less desirable at 50 than at 20. Here’s a secret wise men know: mature women have so much love to offer. Men find lots to like about older women, and it’s NOT about being mothered. Surveys of men reveal they find relationships with older woman extraordinary for so many reasons. Turns out that life experience is appealing — in every room of the house.
10 reasons you can feel good about what you have to offer to your partner
- An older woman has learned to please a man and to please herself. She knows what she wants and why, and she knows how to communicate it.
- She can be direct, upfront and assertive without being aggressive or critical. She’ll tell you in a nice way if it isn’t working and suggest something that will.
- She can reassure her partner she still finds him attractive. She lets him know she is alive and wants him in her life and in her arms. She can take a risk to reach out to make the first move.
- She’s not afraid of unwanted pregnancy and is comfortable with focusing on mutual satisfaction. She appreciates a good partner and has the wisdom and skill to let him know.
- Life experience gives an older woman a strong sense of compassion, a great sense of humor, friendliness and fun. She’s ready for adventure, is usually in a good mood and playful. She can approach her relationship from an attitude of trust and mutual respect that enables a man to relax and enjoy.
- She doesn’t take herself seriously or have much to prove. That comes from self-confidence along with emotional maturity and depth. She has a giving, relaxed attitude about life.
- She’s not boring. Having seen a lot, she has matured into a woman of substance and has honed her intellect. She can converse with anyone about anything and has a thoughtful perspective on the issues.
- A mature woman is willing to give a man space and has released unrealistic expectations. She knows he’s not perfect. Grounded and realistic, she can see the best in a man and reflect that back to him. She has a lot to teach a man, and if he’s smart he is willing to learn from her. She will allow a man of any age to grow, and can even help him grow up!
- She has clarity about human nature, she’s self-possessed, and most of all she knows herself. She has a clear and realistic focus on her goals and experience at achieving them.
- By midlife, a woman can feel relaxed and calm and cultivate an absence of drama in her relationships. She’s honest and wants to avoid head games or confusion. This emotional stability is immensely attractive to a healthy man, who is relieved that she is not looking for a man to “fix” her life.
Is Marital Counseling an Option to Get in the Mood?
As a licensed psychologist, I would say that if you – or your partner – rebuff repeated advances and can’t seem to get in the mood, it’s time for a physical examination and/or some marital counseling. The most common reason for the absence of a physical relationship in marriage is a man’s dysfunction. There may be treatable depression or a physical issue with which a doctor can help. You are a desirable woman and there’s no need to miss out on one of life’s great pleasures!