I have several single friends that are meeting the holidays head on and are not going to let the holidays bring them down. For many women it is a great time of the year and spending time with family and loved ones (for me yes and no) is something to look forward to.
But what about the woman who is single and feel does not fit the demographic norm often portrayed by the media. She is NOT married, doesn’t have 2.4 children, and does not live in a house with a picket fence with a dog named Fido and cat named Felix. She may actually have a rich social life, a strong and supportive circle of friends and family, be very important to a lot of people and spread joy throughout her community. During the holidays many of us (me, too) have a hard time seeing our circumstances for what they really are. We either wear with rose-colored glasses or more often place our lives under a microscope and feel down.
Married or Single, Are You Happy this Holiday Season?
We know many married women have high or unrealistic expectations about the holidays and get all bent out of shape if theirs is not a replica of the Norman Rockwell scene in their homes. I also think we forget that for the single woman it is just as tough when the world is screaming “be married and have a couple of kids.” There are single women who are out there everyday wondering where they fit in a society that discounts and ignores single adults.
Did you read the 2009 Shriver Report which reported that 50% of U.S. workers were working mothers? Many of these moms are married women. But the other half are not working mothers, so does that mean they are either unmarried or don’t have kids — or both?
I hadn’t thought much about until I found this blog referenced on Wendy Braitman’s online website for singles called, First Person Singular: notes from an unmarried life” ( a way to thrive and survive being single). The blog I am speaking about belongs to Dr. Bella DePaula, a psychologist who writes for and about singles in this country. She wrote a blog and two articles about the Shriver Report in Psychology Today titled “Shriver Report Serves Up Compulsory Marriage and Mothering” and “Shriver’s Report ” Woman’s Nation” is Actually a Wife and Mother’s Nation: The Evidence.” Both of these articles talk about the many biases and issues single women face each day, such as workplace discrimination for being single, and even in obtaining housing. She tells how many singles have no idea where they fit or if they can fit. She also pointed out that the Shriver Report primarly focuses on married women and even more so on married women with children. Her point and mine is, “What happens to all those single women who number over 47 million women — and where do they really fit?”
I urge you to read the Shriver Report — or read it again if you already have. This time read it with new eyes and look more closely at who they are NOT talking about (single women and their needs).
Wendy Braitman offers so much great info about being a single woman and how you or someone you love can survive, thrive and grow as a single, amazing woman. Her site has humor, great ideas; such as “what to do about a sex drought” and how a single woman can decide the pros and cons of being married (I really liked those) but it also offers links other important blogs.
Women need to stop asking themselves, “What is wrong with me and why am I still single?”
Wendy told me “women need to stop asking themselves: “What is wrong with me and why am I still single?” Wendy says there is nothing wrong with them and just because they do not fit what society thinks should be the norm. Remember “I’m ok and you’re ok?” If we could all just love the skin we are in I say we would be better off.
I like smart woman who get it and and help each other……and Wendy and Bella are two smart women. Let’s have some solidarity and support our single — as well as our married — sisters!!