He’s Cute, with a Harvard Degree and an STD

It is hard to believe that in 2006, intelligent, beautiful, confident women of any age are subject to contracting sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). It is unfortunately true women who succeeded in not contracting an STD in their 20s, 30s, or 40s can still get them when they are older. When I say an STD I am also talking about HIV/AIDS, HPV (human papillomavirus) and even the dreaded diseases of generations ago, syphilis and gonorrhea.

Women Need to Protect Themselves from STDs During Sex

Unfortunately, if women somehow imagine they have magical, invisible shields that will keep them safe during unprotected sex. By protected sex I am talking good ol’ condoms. I talk with women all the time about so many issues and sexual behavior is right up at the top of the list. I recently spoke to an attractive, intelligent professional woman in her early 30s; I’ll call her Kim.

Kim is single and enjoys an active sexual life but does not consider herself to be promiscuous. She normally gets to know someone and if the relationship is serious she does engage in sex with her new partner. She admits she uses birth control like it is religious experience but often does not insist her partner wear a condom.

“My partner easily talks me into unprotected sex if he objects that it reduces sensitivity and dulls the stimulation,” Kim says. She admits she also worries it might reduce her own sexual response because asking him to use a condom and then taking the time to do so embarrasses her and feels awkward.

Kim recently made an appointment for her usual and customary OB/GYN exam. She has always been open with her physician and is not surprised to hear questions about her sexual history, but she is completely unprepared for what comes next. The doctor tells Kim she has contracted an STD that must be treated because it is highly contagious. She must avoid sex completely until she is cured because she can pass “her disease” to others.

He can’t have Gonorrhea, he is a Harvard graduate!!!

Which STD has Kim contracted? She is shocked to hear the word “Gonorrhea.” Her first thought was ” He said he had no other women in his life,” she wails. “And HE IS A HARVARD GRADUATE! He can’t possibly have Gonorrhea!”

Unfortunately, Kim is mistaken. Now she feels hurt and must inform her Harvard man that he has infected her with Gonorrhea and he will need to be treated as well as all earlier partners he can contact. The doctor says it can be treated as long as they have caught it early, but that antibiotic resistance is also becoming increasingly common, and the first drug does not always work. Kim is crushed and says, “I cannot believe I have been so naive about men and sex and not demanded he use a condom. I feel like I am back in high school, but my big fear then was getting pregnant, and this seems even worse.”

Are STD’s limited only to younger women?

Women of all ages who enter the dating arena are at risk of contracting STDs. Women in their 40s, 50s, 60s, and older have told me they are embarrassed to talk about their sexual behavior with their doctors and most tell me their physicians do not ask them either, even though they know they are single or that they have divorced and are now back in the dating scene. We need more ads and billboards to warn women about their chances of contracting a sexually transmitted disease today. Have we all gone mad and believe we have entered the Land of Oz and Dorothy has no worries but making her way back to Kansas?

This is not an article to be read and taken lightly. Whether a woman is married, single, divorced, or separated, if she is having unprotected sex with a new partner or multiple partners, she is at risk of contracting an STD. The correct response to a man who complains that a condom will reduce his sensitivity is, “I’m more worried about MY sensitivity to disease and death!”

The membranes inside a woman’s sexual organs are much more vulnerable to disease than the skin on a man’s organ, and women are much more likely to contact STDs and HIV, the virus that causes AIDS, than men are. Besides, an experienced woman can make the process of putting on a condom a sexy experience in itself, and she can help provide the extra stimulation needed to keep him aroused.

Even Nice Guys have STD’s

Let’s also tackle another myth: “I can tell he is a nice guy and he could not possibly have an STD and he treats me so good.” Kim believed––as many single, healthy, sexually active women do––that when a man tells you about himself you can tell if he is a nice, honest guy. Not necessarily. When I worked in a federal prison for men, I was naive about physical appearances. I thought that common criminals looked like common criminals. Wrong! When I began to work with these good-looking, personable sociopaths, I learned very quickly that you can not tell a thing about a man by his looks or his manners. In the real world, physical appearances and a Harvard degree do not necessarily make for the perfect mate. Women fool themselves if they think they have a magical power to determine who is sexually safe and who is not.

Guidelines to Help Prevent STD’s:

• Assume that all future sexual partners may be a risk to your health and wellbeing and commit to using proper birth control and proper protection against STDs.
• If you want to be in a monogamous sexual relationship and skip condoms, your partner should agree to go with you so you can both be tested before either of you consents to unprotected sexual contact.

Remember: casual sex today is extremely risky. HIV/AIDS is not gone and STDs can have lifelong––even life-threatening––consequences. Many STDs do not have any physical symptoms until the disease has progressed into a chronic state such as infertility and worse: cervical cancer.

I really want to scare women as I write this. I want to scare women who should know you are responsible for your personal protection not just from an unwanted pregnancy but also from an STD. It’s simple, so protect yourself today and when next you enter your doctor’s office, you will not be sweating bullets.

Love is grand––do not get me wrong. I love LOVE, but being safe is a better choice. If you have more questions about STDs please contact your personal physician and/or search the web for reliable information on STDs. Be informed and stay informed. As the new ad on TV says: “If you contract HPV you are at risk for an even worse fate: CANCER.”