overcoming fear

Christine Arylo – Self Love Silences Inner Mean Girl

Author, Speaker

Christine Arylo

Christine Arylo has silenced her own inner mean girl by creating a healthy relationship with self-love. Once a confirmed achievement junkie, Christine now proclaims herself to be “The Queen of Self-Love,” and with this new title, she is writing and teaching others how to identify their own inner mean girls and to quiet their self-bullying to live happy, fulfilling lives.
If you find yourself thinking that no matter what you do, it’s not enough, or volunteering for everything when you can’t keep up with what you have, you need to listen to this interview and check out Christine’s new book, Reform Your Inner Mean Girl: 7 Steps to Stop Bullying Yourself & Start Loving Yourself, which she co-authored with Amy Ahlers.

 How the Inner Mean Girl Can Cause Real Harm

Inner-Mean-Girl-bookAlthough Christine has invented playful ways to deal with your inner mean girl, she also lists awful things that happen to women because of the stress they endure every day. For example: more women die of heart disease than any other natural cause; 60% of women see a doctor for stress-related health problems. Yet women continue to push themselves. The committed “doing addicts” keep doing it all themselves, no matter what IBS or other symptoms plague them.
Also, inner mean girls become outer mean girls and take their frustration out on others. Christine says not all mean girls are mean, but driven by fear and inner lack of self-love, they become sneaky, catty, manipulative back-stabbers. This path is not good for anyone.

 Inner Mean Girl Reform School

Christine and Amy include many inner-wisdom tools with the book, including quizzes to help you identify your inner mean girl(s), live streaming to connect virtually and in person with others reforming their inner mean girls and more. Check out their inner-wisdom blog for more important tips, videos and meditations.
This interview shares more humorous advice and insights into how much easier you can make your life and live your dreams by reaching out for help and making a difference with other women. Dr. Nancy and Christine agree it’s important to give yourself permission to love yourself and get out of the rat race caused by what others tell you to be, and even hug your inner mean girl once in awhile.

Keeping Women Safe On College Campuses

DNOCampuswebWhen we raise our girls and get ready to send them off to college and out into the world, the last thing we might think to prepare them for is a sexual assault on campus. However, headlines about sexual assault and mishandled rape investigations on college campuses are dominating the headlines nationwide. I have three daughters and seven granddaughters, so these stories have definitely grabbed my attention.
Nearly one in five women have been raped at some time in their adult lives, according to The Centers for Disease Control (CDC). Of those women over 37% were first assaulted between the ages of 18-24. The CDC also reports that 19% of all undergraduate women have experienced attempted or completed sexual assault since entering college.
It’s a fine line when it comes to preparing our girls for life on campus because not all of the men they meet will be predators. Just because one in five college women have been assaulted doesn’t mean that one in five men are assailants. Slate.com reported on a study, which found that only about six percent of the men surveyed had attempted or successfully raped someone. While some of them only tried once, most of the rapists were repeat offenders, committing an average of nearly 6 rapes apiece. The six percent of men who rape are generally violent men who commit other crimes as well.
Is it a fraternity problem? Fraternities are definitely receiving some intense focus right now but the blame can’t be laid solely there. Is it an alcohol problem? Cosmopolitan reports that some universities are taking steps to address drinking on campus. Brown University is clamping down on drinking, and banning alcohol in all residential areas, including Greek houses. Dartmouth instituted a similar policy, barring students from possessing hard alcohol on campus. But will that have a positive impact, or will it just drive parties underground, making students less safe?
There is no one approach to guarantee the safety of girls on campus, but there are steps that can be taken. John D. Foubert, a professor of higher education and student affairs at Oklahoma University advocates teaching students about sexual assault in a way that enlists them in helping to prevent it. He was recently quoted in the New York Times as saying, “When you have an intervention with a very strong empathy-building component that helps men understand what rape feels like, and you combine that with bystander intervention … you’re not blaming men for being part of the problem, you’re helping them to be part of solution.”
Enlisting the help of others is also the approach behind the “It’s On Us” campaign unveiled last year by President Barack Obama and Vice President Joe Biden. The White House enlisted Hollywood stars to help fight campus sexual assault and ItsOnUs.org features a public service announcement with Obama, Biden and Hollywood A-listers telling viewers it’s their responsibility to stop sexual assault. Watch the videos here. The campaign urges everyone on campus to make sure his or her friends are safe and to step in to prevent assault. The message is particularly targeted at men, with the White House pointing to research that shows that men often hesitate to speak out because they believe other men accept it.
This problem, like so many others that women and girls face today, can only be solved through awareness, dialog and action. It is our responsibility to keep this issue at the forefront, and add our voices to the cause. This is the way we can bring about change. We can do it if we all work together.

Emma Sulkowicz Protests Rape on Columbia Campus

RevoluationwebA young woman is using performance art to call attention to the crime of rape on college campuses. Nearly one in five women have been raped at some time in their adult lives, according to The Centers for Disease Control (CDC). Of those women 37.4% were first assaulted between the ages of 18-24. The CDC also reports that 19% of all undergraduate women have experienced attempted or completed sexual assault since entering college.

Women Students File Complaint Against Columbia University

Emma Sulkowicz is one of those victims. She says a classmate raped her in her own dorm room on the first day of her sophomore year. Since then she has spent the majority of her time at Columbia University trying to convince college administrators, the police, and even her friends that she was indeed raped, and that her rapist deserves to be punished. Sulkowicz is one of 23 students who have filed a complaint against the university for mishandling their sexual assault cases. She and two other women students have reported that the same man assaulted them, yet the offender has not been expelled from the campus and their complaints have been largely ignored.

As a woman, a mother, and a grandmother, all I can say is that this is outrageous. How is it possible that a student who has been accused of assaulting at least three women has not been brought up on charges or punished in any way? How is he allowed to roam the campus and attend classes? What is the university thinking? I applaud Sulkowicz’s courage in forcing the conversation around a huge issue that has largely been ignored by college administrators across the country. She is giving a face to the victims – almost one in every five college women – and her voice is being heard around the world.

Sulkowicz Carries Mattress to Focus Attention on Rapes

Her courage is inspiring because even just a few years ago, an Ivy League student going public about her rape––and telling the world her name––was unheard of. If young women were brave enough to report, they didn’t want to run the risk of stigma or humiliation, not to mention possible retribution. Yet Sulkowicz has made her voice heard, and her vocal opposition is just the beginning. Her senior thesis in performance art provides the perfect vehicle for her to protest the fact that her rapist continues to study on the same campus. As part of her project she is carrying around a twin-size dorm mattress everywhere she goes on campus. It is that act that has the world’s attention, and has started action on the issue of campus sexual assault.

It’s On Us Campaign Urges Men to Stop Rapists

The White House has enlisted Hollywood stars to help fight campus sexual assault as President Barack Obama and Vice President Joe Biden unveil the “It’s On Us” campaign. ItsOnUs.org features a public service announcement with Obama, Biden and Hollywood A-list stars telling viewers it’s their responsibility to stop sexual assault. The campaign urges everyone on campus to make sure his or her friends are safe and to step in to prevent assault. The message is particularly targeted at men, with the White House pointing to research that shows that men often hesitate to speak out because they believe other men accept it.

Regardless of the issue, all it takes is one strong woman willing to make her voice heard, and the rest of us rallying behind her. When it comes to the horrific issue of campus sexual assault, Emma Sulkowicz is that voice, and it is our responsibility to support her and to add our voices to the cause. This is the way we can bring about change. We can do it if we all work together.

To read more about Sulkowicz and how her journey is inspiring others, go to The Cut.

Domestic Violence In The News – Every Woman Matters

The issue of domestic violence slammed its way into most water cooler conversations with the shocking video of Baltimore Ravens’ Ray Rice striking his then-fiancée, Janay Palmer in an elevator in Las Vegas.
As a licensed psychologist and a long-time board member of the Victim Center, I have heard many terrifying personal stories from women seeking shelter from their abusers. The statistics tell an even more powerful story because of the sheer numbers of women they represent. It’s a huge problem, which is why we offer so many helpful and inspiring articles on my foundation’s website, WomenConnect4Good.org.
The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) reports more than 31 percent of women in the U.S. have been physically abused by an intimate partner, and an estimated 22.3 percent have experienced severe physical violence on at least one occasion. A recent article in The Washington Post also reports that the CDC’s National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey released staggering numbers in terms of non-physical abuse – reporting that nearly half of women in the U.S. having been subjected to at least one act of psychological or emotional aggression by an intimate partner, including threats and coercion.

Violence Against Women Will No Longer Be Tolerated

This is not okay, and if the NFL’s response to this latest issue with Rice and the public backlash that has followed is any indication, violence against women will no longer be tolerated in any arena. In fact, this incident proves that women are standing by to help one another, no matter what the circumstances, and work together to empower and lift each other up. However, this is not just a gender issue. Finally, men are also outraged, and speaking loud and clear, putting pressure on the NFL to take action on this, and in turn let male athletes and fans know that abusive behavior is NOT okay.

We Need To Be A Voice For Other Women

As this recent evidence proves, domestic violence is a widespread problem that can occur to anyone. Abuse is blind to age, race, geography and socioeconomic status. No one is immune. If it affects one of us, it affects all of us. That is why each of us must raise our voice to help current abuse victims and to stop future violence.

How Can We Help Abuse Victims

It’s important to learn more about domestic violence and the warning signs. The more you know, the easier it will be to recognize it and help friends who may be victims or perpetrators. Some early warning signs include:

  • extreme jealousy
  • controlling behavior
  • threats
  • a history of violent tendencies
  • frequent verbal or emotional insults.

Resources For Women

Services are available for victims and their children in case you or a friend should need help. A local battered women’s shelter, family physician, or the National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or (1-800-787-3224 TTY) is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week and offers help and advice, and the National Domestic Violence Hotline website also provides resources.

Every Woman Matters

Lastly, if you are a victim of abuse, do not feel guilty. That is what the abuser wants you to feel. Remember, no matter what he tells you, you did nothing to deserve this kind of treatment. You have worth; you have value and you truly matter to us all.
To read more about the latest surrounding Rice, and the domestic violence statistics that are coming to light, go to The Washington Post. 

Dr. Nancy Featured in CARES Magazine

Empowered Women Conquer Fear

Dr. Nancy featured in cover photo and empowerment article

Cover of Cares Magazine, June 2014

You are a smart, amazing woman. Believe it and do not let anyone else push you to become like someone else. Transformation is not a process of pleasing others. It’s a way to become the most authentic YOU!

If you suspect the need to make big changes in your life, the first hurdle is getting past fear. It’s normal to feel uneasy in the face of questions like, “Can I ever regain my joy and vitality?” “Can I find myself again?” “What if I fail?” Just asking these questions means you need change –– and we are all afraid of change.

You may not even realize you feel fear. Can you focus? Can you envision a better future and make a plan? If not, that’s fear getting in the way. It’s like facing a blank wall. Doubt and confusion overwhelm all of us from time to time, but you can triumph if you hold this vision: I am truly independent, self-sufficient, engaged, excited and happy again!

So don’t worry about fears and doubts right now. We’ll build up your strength first, and then you’ll face––and conquer––your fears. You’ll take back your personal power. You’ll transform into the strong capable woman I know you are, with an abundance of inner beauty and gifts to share.

I worked with a woman a few years ago whose business started to fail as a result of the sudden recession in 2008. She floundered in the crisis, as she saw looming debt overcoming her ability to support her home and family. I’m not sure any of us saw her struggle at the time, but the feelings she described were fear… fear of failure and losing everything. She reached out to network with other women and was fortunate to connect with patient, supportive women. This led her to new friends and a new job. She has regained her confidence and joy in her work that comes from finding her purpose.

In her groundbreaking classic, Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, author Susan Jeffers, Ph.D. sets out five truths about fear. We should recite these truths to ourselves 25 times a day, she says, while we work to build our confidence.

1)     We will continue to feel fear as long as we are growing.

2)     The only way to conquer a fear is to do the very thing we’re afraid of.

3)     The only way to feel more confident is to do things we’re afraid of.

4)     Everyone is scared of doing the unfamiliar.

5)     Doing things that scare us is better than feeling helpless and powerless.

Yes, change is frightening, but we are willing to suffer through it when we see we’re moving toward something better. So get out there and do something you’d love to do but have been avoiding because it scares you!

Regardless of how confused or uncertain you might feel, the “Power to…” is always yours. No one can take away your “Power to” although you may share it with others. At every moment you have the power to create the life you truly want and deserve.

You deserve everything good, including the very best happiness in the world. But to actually receive it you must give yourself permission and work on accepting it.

Excerpted from “Claim Your Power” e-book  by Nancy D. O’Reilly, Psy.D.

Why Follow Your Intuition to Your Dream Job

Sue Frederick Career Intuitive and AuthorWhat if you followed your true life’s purpose and loved living and working every day? That is what Sue Frederick is working to make come true. Sue arrived at her dream job after the death of her husband when she was 29 years old. Dr. Nancy gained clarity on her purpose after the ending of a 42-year marriage. Both agree that finding your purpose can be an extremely painful reinvention process.
Sue says these life-changing events show us the lessons that we need to learn. If everything goes along smoothly, we get in a rut and can get off the path we are to follow in order to achieve our life’s purpose. Sue says the painful experience of divorce, death, being fired, etc. is a wake-up call. Once the horrible event is over and we embrace the change, we often enter the most fulfilling and productive time in our lives.
Sue’s book, I See Your Dream Job: A Career Intuitive Shows You How to Discover What You Were Put on Earth to Do, combines practical knowledge, spiritual teachings and intuitive recognition so anyone can recognize the most perfect career for them.

Obstacles to Achieving Your Dream Job

Dr. Nancy says that fear is the biggest deal breaker of all. For women to find their power, they must overcome their fear. Sue tells how when she used to teach Outward Bound in the 70s, she brought people to things that made them physically fearful, like rappelling down a 500 foot cliff.She says that fear has its own energy. If you let that fear-energy stop you, you are in trouble, but if you use it to propel you forward, you can thrive.
The “victim mentality” is another obstacle. Sue said that she could blame the doctors for not diagnosing her husband’s illness, but she chose to use it to learn and pursue her path of reinvention toward meaningful work. Dr. Nancy talks about the empowerment tools in her e-book, “Claim Your Power.” She explores how people get stuck when they wallow in the “poor me” attitude. Both women agree that when someone breaks your heart, it’s time to ask yourself: Who am I really? Why am I here? What is my future? We too often do not ask those life-changing questions until we are hurting.
Finally, responding to the experience with ego-induced superficial responses to the event will also hold us back. Sue says it’s the personality and the ego, like thinking, “My body is not pretty enough or I’m not smart enough,” that beat us up and make us feel even more pain. She says, “Once we get in touch with that inner voice and our higher self, we re-discover the divinely perfect soul that came here to go through these challenges to evolve and help others evolve. …That will get you out of bed in the morning and get you in the right direction.”
Check out more on Sue’s website.

Scroll to top