Career

How Male Allies Can Help Women Advance and Why They Need To

Male AlliesMen have an increasingly important role to play when it comes to helping women advance in the workplace. When asked directly, most men say they support gender equality, so why is progress moving so slowly? Study after study examines the perspectives and company policies that stand in the way and offer insights and strategies to help women’s advancement. Lean In and McKinsey & Company’s latest Women in the Workplace report shows that while we are making progress in some areas, companies need to stay focused on efforts “earlier in the pipeline” to make real progress, and that’s where our male allies can often help women most.

Many successful women say their best mentors and allies have been men, since there are so few women in the C-suite and upper management. We advise in the book, In This Together, that we can best engage men to help us advance when we, “Look for a man who can turn his good intentions into lasting change if women will tell him truthfully and openly the ways gender equality has affected them, has shown through his words and actions that he is committed to gender equality, is willing to have the difficult conversations on your behalf when you’re not in the room, and is willing to mentor and sponsor women to create opportunities for female leadership within your company.”

Do men like this actually exist? Yes, in fact there are actually quite a few of them when you know what characteristics to look for. Once you identify such a man, ask for his help, tell him what you need from your own perspective, and expect and believe that he will help you.

While there are a number of ways that male allies can help women advance, Susan Madsen, Women’s Leadership Thought Leader from Utah Valley University, recently wrote in Forbes that simply recognizing women’s contributions can be a good place to start. In a recent survey she found that women mentioned, “how powerful it was for men to recognize their work and ideas even in private settings; it mattered when men truly listened and acknowledged the value women brought to their organizations.”

Madsen and her colleagues April Townsend and Robbyn T. Scribner recently published a scholarly article in the Journal of Men’s Studies, titled “Strategies that Male Allies Use to Advance Women in the Workplace.” While researching, the three explored a number of important actions that seem to be making a difference. Besides recognizing women’s contributions, they also found that providing honest, accurate and specific feedback also helps. The largest study of its kind, women reported that strong male allies did not hesitate to give praise or correction when needed, and that feedback is critical for advancement. While it may go without saying that men can become stronger allies when they learn more about — and then challenge — gender discrimination in all forms, the researchers found that one of the most important ways that men can help women in the workplace advance is simply by supporting and changing HR processes and procedures. In fact, the men in the study placed company policies about inclusive hiring, family leave policies, etc. as more important than women.

There are so many ways that our male allies can help women advance. They are a great and necessary resource for creating opportunities and helping us step into leadership roles. We must engage their help to change the status quo and make a real, daily commitment to support a more balanced, diverse and successful management and workforce. That’s how we’ll reach gender equality in leadership. We can do it best when we (women and men) work together.

Push Her Forward and Vote Her In

Political Activist for Women

Rebecca Sive

Rebecca Sive was raised to work hard, get educated and in turn, teach others. Most of all she was raised by parents who thought it was important to advocate for democratic values and help get people elected to create equal opportunities and fairness for all. Since the 2016 election, and the subsequent Women’s March, Rebecca has been inspired to increase her advocacy for women and write her newest book, Vote Her In: Your Guide to Electing Our First Woman President.

#VOTEHERIN

Convinced that the time is now, Rebecca points out that a woman already got elected to the presidency by the popular vote. A fact she uses to make the case that the American people, both men and women, are ready for a woman president. In Vote Her In, she helps women – especially those who did not vote for the woman for president – see how they actually voted against their own interests.

Rebecca explains that the road to better health care, improved child care and education for all is by electing a woman president. Women understand the need for these things, which is why it just doesn’t make sense to vote for someone who does not address the issues in their policies. She also explains the ways that a woman president would help women reach parity sooner, first by demonstrating the ways that women make great leaders, and second through policies to promote equal pay and status in the workplace.

“When A Woman Leads, Everyone Wins.”

Women are proving that they can lead every day. In fact, as a result of their leadership, companies are more profitable, and policies are more beneficial to all.  Originally recorded in October, 2018, Dr. Nancy asked Rebecca who might run for president and Rebecca pointed out that women have been running and winning for years. Although only one-fifth of the Senate are women and there are only six governors, there are a number of women who have executive experience. She predicted that after the 2018 mid-terms, a pool of women would start to throw their hats into the ring. Early next year (2019), they will begin fundraising and announcing their intentions for 2020.  She predicted that regardless of where you stand ideologically or politically, you will have a choice and begin to see women leaders speaking out. (Rebecca was absolutely right. At this update, the field of six women running for President has thinned to four, but that’s still more than ever before at this stage of the campaign.)

In the second part of Vote Her In Rebecca encourages women to get behind the woman they choose and help her get elected. This how-to section of the book gives readers advice and direction for how to engage with the political process and push that deserving woman toward the presidency. Rebecca says women do it all the time. We lift each other up and help one another achieve our goals. We can elect a woman president and the country is very ready for it.

Listen to this interview for more inspiring comments and insights. Check out Rebecca’s website and get her book. Use #VOTEHERIN whenever possible and get this movement moving. If all of us push together we can Vote Her In!

 

Level Up – The Diversity Women’s Business Leadership Conference

Since its inception, Diversity Woman Magazine has recognized the importance of leadership development and empowerment for diverse women. Aiming to educate and support diverse and multicultural women leaders and to facilitate their continued growth and success, the organization more than delivered through their annual Business Leadership Conference in November.

Attracting diverse and multicultural business leaders from the world’s largest corporations and entrepreneurs from successful women-owned businesses, the Conference not only served as the perfect place for women to make connections, it also provided plenty of information for women to further their development. Boasting notable speakers and powerhouse panels, attendees were able to gain wisdom and insight from some of the most influential women leaders in the nation.

Take The Lead’s Co-Founder and President Gloria Feldt provided a flash talk on the Conference’s first day. With “Intentional Woman: Be BOLD and Carry OUT!” Gloria told attendees that the real secret to reaching their full leadership potential while helping all women get their fair and equal share of leadership roles starts with “I.” But it’s far from selfish. It is all about embracing the power of your own intention. Of taking those elements of female socialization that have traditionally held women back and turning them into assets, superpowers even.

Additional presentations and panels guided attendees on strategies for advancing in business, such as “Bold Moves for a Disruptive World” and “Three Rules for Winning in Corporate America”, and Leadership Coaching helped attendees do everything from navigating a project to developing their personal brand.

The Women Connect4Good Foundation was a diamond level sponsor of this year’s event, and Dr. Nancy was on hand to host the Conference’s Opening Reception and along with Dr. Sheila Robinson, Founder of Diversity Women’s Business Leadership Conference, delivered opening remarks on day two – helping attendees get supercharged for a day of powerful learning and inspiration.

Dr. Nancy recalled the first time she attended the Diversity Women Business Conference, and said it was the most amazing experience she’d ever had. It was the first time she truly understood the words inclusive and sisterhood. In order to deepen that understanding, Dr. Nancy had to look first of all at privilege, and how with privilege comes responsibility.

In her latest book, In This Together, we quote Michael Kimmel who said in a TED Talk, “Privilege is invisible to those who have it.” His point was that we have unconscious biases that prevent us from recognizing our own privilege. In fact, we are privileged if we don’t even see our race or gender when we look in the mirror.

This week’s podcast guest, Trudy Bourgeois, founder of The Center for Workforce Excellence said it best when she told Dr. Nancy, “You don’t know what you don’t know.” She said that if we are to create equality for all women, we have to name our biases and talk about them. Her recent book tells how we can transform our work environments by admitting our biases and engaging in tough, uncomfortable conversations. It’s called EQUALITY: Courageous Conversations about Women, Men, AND Race in the Workplace to Spark a Diversity and Inclusion Breakthrough.

Trudy and Dr. Nancy met a few years ago at the Diversity Women’s Business Leadership Conference, and Trudy point-blank confronted Dr. Nancy with the question, “What’s wrong with you white women?” Trudy’s question had to do with the advantages that white women have had and squandered. Now, Dr. Nancy believes what’s wrong is, “We’re afraid to step outside the lines for fear of retribution ourselves. While we have to be twice as educated and work twice as hard to get half as much as our male counterparts, we realize it is our responsibility to make sure that no woman has to work twice as hard to get half as far as her white sisters.”

Chelsea Handler has said that when it comes to privilege, it’s about taking responsibility, about having those difficult conversations and doing something actionable about it. Dr. Nancy agrees and says we all have to learn how to be better. “We can do that in part when we realize that racial and gender bias impacts every aspect of work, and that includes our own path to leadership and how we lead once we get there. We are our own worst enemies because of the biases we have towards other women, and the biases we have towards ourselves. We’ve got these measurements and comparisons, and we need to recognize them and realize, nobody is winning. We need to learn to recognize that we have biases, and we all have them.”

Dr. Nancy also pointed out the fact that it’s really all about relationships. Women build relationships. We are good at it, and we can use this strength to help ourselves and our companies succeed. Study after study shows that when women hold top positions, an organization does better. She said that in order to build relationships that work for all of us, we need to realize that our differences can be challenges, but they can also be opportunities.

“I think that when we talk about how we are different we begin to understand each other better and better and realize that we’re more alike than different. We all want the same things.” Dr. Nancy said. “We also need to remember, no more US and Them. We truly are in this together and that means ALL of us, all colors, races, and our male allies too.”

Dr. Nancy concluded her opening remarks on the topic of support. After all, when we support each other, anything is possible. “This conference is a perfect example of what happens when we support each other.”

“We need to realize that we are ALL in this together and we’ll get there faster when we work together – side by side—to make the world a better place. I think that’s why we’re here is to have better lives and to make it better for other people.”

Dr. Nancy is already making plans to attend next year’s Diversity Women’s Business Leadership Conference, October 7, 8 and 9, 2020, and urges other women to do the same. Attendees will have the chance to spend time with some major players – real leaders who understand just what it takes for organizations of all sizes to be successful as well as discover great opportunities to learn from and share with one another and create new and rewarding relationships. To learn more about Diversity Women and next year’s conference, go to DiversityWoman.com.

 

Closing the Gender Pay Gap – Black Women’s Equal Pay Day

Nothing says we need to close the gender pay gap more than noting Black Women’s Equal Pay Day. It’s August 22. That’s the day that black women “catch up” to what a white, non-Hispanic man made last year. That is 8 months and 22 days of extra work. It’s hard to take companies seriously when they say they realize they need to change and claim they have a high commitment to gender diversity. Women know for a fact, that it hasn’t budged in decades, not for white women either, who celebrated their equal pay day April 2. But compound this unfair imbalance for women of color with the fact that 80% of black women are the primary or sole provider of their family and it becomes an economic shortfall that affects entire communities.

Felicia Davis, Founder of the Black Women’s Collective, set about to right this obvious wrong when she turned her focus to Black Women’s Equal Pay Day last year, and held an evening mixer, “Strategize Your Way to Equal Pay” to help Phoenix area women close the gap and move into leadership positions. The mixer was such a success, that she immediately began working to make it an annual event.

“It was amazing, but we needed more time,” Felicia said. “This year we’ve got a full day of speakers, Power Talks, a Power Panel, Power Table Connections, and Power Connections.”

The 2019 “Strategize Your Way to Equal Pay” Symposium is a one-day empowerment experience for corporate and entrepreneurialblack women leaders, uniquely designed to help them amplify their vision, voice and visibility, and get paid what they’re worth. The day promises to disrupt any patterns of mediocre thinking, and attendees will be guided to breakthrough results in the areas of communication, negotiation, relationships, branding and wealth creation.

With more than a dozen recognized experts set to present, Davis says that this year’s symposium is limited to 50 attendees, so it remains small and intimate, and attendees can make high-quality connections to get the most benefits from the event.

“It’s our #BlackGirlMagic that has us be known as the most educated and most ambitious women with the strongest work ethic,” Felicia said. “While that’s great, it also becomes our blind-spot because workingincredibly hard is not enough to catalyze our leadership in a way that gets us recognized, respected and paid well.”

Felicia brings her expertise to the event and is slated to be one of the Symposium’s speakers. As an award-winning and certified leadership and personal branding strategist, author and advisor to women leaders, she also brings 20+ years of experience as a former HR executive, hard work ethic, and research to the event. Named as a “Woman of Excellence” by the National Council of Negro Women, Felicia has personally worked with hundreds of women using her proprietary branding process to help them develop compelling communication and leadership skills that position them to be recognized, remembered and recommended for high visibility projects.

Felicia says that the Symposium is, “Equal parts Heart and Strategy because you need both to thrive and succeed as a results-driven, Black Female Leader who also gets paid well.”

As part of our mission to facilitate networking among smart, amazing women devoted to changing the world, Women Connect4Good is excited to sponsor this event, and help Felicia elevate black women leaders throughout the Phoenix area. To learn more, go to www.BlackWomensCollective.com/Elevate and find out how you can help close the gender pay gap.

How You Can Close the Wage Gap—Start With Your Own

How You Can Close the Wage Gap—Start With Your OwnIf you’re one of the women earning only 85% of your male peers (or less), now is your chance to close that wage gap and get a package to help you make that top-level deal and get your career moving in the right direction. Right now, through Take The Lead’s 5-Year Anniversary Silent Auction, you can bid on two complete career, promotion and pay-raise strategic plans, with custom data and consulting, from She Negotiates and 81Cents.com. Take The Lead is celebrating the anniversary of its amazing launch five years ago and ongoing drive to help women reach complete parity in all sectors by 2025 through this silent auction and big event in NYC on July 25. Don’t wait—bid now for this $2,500 value—learn how to claim your power and get your voice heard to transform your career.

Operating under the philosophy that there is nothing wrong with women and nothing to fix, She Negotiates helps women create a step-by-step roadmap for the next right move in their career or business. They arm clients with a solid negotiation strategy, word-for-word scripts, and role-playing experiences to help them implement their plan to break through barriers and create that big break to close the wage gap one woman at a time. The results speak for themselves; women are getting the promotions and compensation packages they deserve.

She Negotiates co-founder Victoria Pynchon points out that women want to negotiate, but don’t necessarily know how. “Unless you’ve applied the rules to something, you’re not going to be good at it. It’s a skill.” Like any skill, successful negotiation requires learning the basics, and practice, practice, and more practice to get really good at applying communication strategies that work in the corporate world.

Working primarily with women seeking top-level deals and compensation packages, Victoria brings her clients a quarter century of legal practice followed by a decade of mediation, arbitration and negotiation experiences to every engagement. As a former commercial litigator and trial attorney, Victoria not only knows the art of persuasion but also the fears, hopes and challenges faced by corporate CEOs, small business owners and fellow professionals.

“I occupied corporate America for 25 years,” Victoria said. “So much of this is understanding corporate culture and knowing what doesn’t work. When you get to be my age you know. You’ve made all the mistakes.”

If you missed the silent auction, you might want to take advantage of Victoria’s “50 Buck Half Hour” that she offers to potential clients, this mini-session can help you begin work immediately with actionable advice and a rough strategy outline and explore further consulting options. She also offers a one-hour mentoring session exclusively to women who are under thirty and making less than $100K per year.

“There’s just so much to fix,” Victoria said. “But this cohort of women are just amazing, and they’re all caught in the wage gap. They need to understand the water they’re swimming in, and I can help them do that.”

Victoria recommends that her clients know their market value first, and then work from there. 81Cents.com – supported by an Advisory Committee of Berkeley and Harvard negotiations professors – is a go-to, and helps women determine whether or not they’re being paid fairly. With compensation reports built especially for members, 81Cents.com provides women with personalized feedback on their pay from professionals in their field as well as hiring managers and recruiters.

As Victoria writes, the devil’s in the details, and between the work she’s doing through She Negotiates and 81Cents.com, women at every level are getting those details, being armed with the skills, and amassing the knowledge they need to close the wage gap.

“These women know they’re caught in the wage gap, and work for major corporations who know it too,” Victoria concluded. “I believe they want to close it, one person at a time.”

Take The LeadBID NOW! There’s not much time left. Take The Lead’s 5-Year Anniversary Silent Auction is almost here. Besides the complete career, promotion and pay-raise strategic plans, with custom data and consulting, from She Negotiates and 81Cents.com, valued at $2500 each, you can bid on many other exciting prizes, including lunch with Oscar-nominee Kathleen Turner and Take the Lead co-founder Gloria Feldt. Plus, there will be a special live auction at the Summer Gathering in New York on July 25, which will be held at the Alley Co-Working Space (119 West 24th Street). The event will also include the launch of a new podcast series hosted by Feldt and SheMedia’s Vice President of Video Programming Reshma Gopaldas, and a performance by actress/singer Ari Afsar (Hamilton-Chicago). Tickets are available at http://bit.ly/2FNSaFw.

Don’t miss out. It’s an exciting time for women to claim their power and support women. This opportunity provides both. Remember, the woman you should support first is yourself. Close the wage gap for women by starting with own. Make your voice heard with a proven strategy from She Negotiates to finally close your wage gap and redirect your career.

Order Your Copy of Dr. Nancy’s New Book Today!

Navigating negotiations and closing the pay gap are just a couple of the issues covered in Dr. Nancy’s new book, In This Together: How Successful Women Support Each Other In Work and Life, along with thoughts, inspiration, and stories from 40 successful women.

Order your copy – and gifts for your friends today! After you’ve read it, please, leave us a 5-star review on Amazon. Your review will help us reach more women with proven techniques for achieving gender equality by working with other women and our male allies.

Know Your Worth to Negotiate the Salary You Deserve

Know Your Worth to Negotiate the Salary You DeserveTo close the gender pay gap women must know and use their worth to negotiate the salary they deserve from the organization they work for. This week, the world champion U.S. Women’s Soccer team’s win shines a glaring spotlight on wage inequality as their struggles for equal pay are well known. An ongoing lawsuit filed against the USSF by 28 members of the team notes that if the men’s and women’s teams won each of the 20 non-tournament games they are contractually required to play, women’s team players would earn a maximum of $99,000, while men’s team players would earn $263,320—that’s only 37.6% of what the men agreed to for the same performance—or 37 cents on the dollar.

The Women’s National Team Player’s Association has proposed a revenue-sharing model that would tie player compensation to revenue generated by the women’s national team for USSF. Showing solidarity for their female counterparts, the men’s national team has issued a statement of support for the women’s team lawsuit against the USSF and for this revenue-sharing model.

Throughout their salary negotiations, the soccer players have used their national platform to make their voices and demands heard. However, the most important thing about their actions is that they know their worth and set a role model standard for all women to follow and benefit from.

Women face unique challenges when it comes to salary negotiations, and as the New York Times reports, it begins with the fact that women are often viewed as “unlikeable” when they do it. Women have been socialized to avoid assertiveness, which is an essential quality when it comes to negotiation, and also consistently underestimate their professional value. That being said, it’s important to keep in mind that women won’t necessarily get what they’re worth, unless they ask for it.

Leadership expert Dr. Marissa L Weaver, Your Leadership Trainer, LLC, is one of the many women working to give women the tools they need to know their worth and negotiate a fair salary. Marissa volunteers through Tri Delta, who in collaboration with the American Association of University Women (AAUW), has launched a national initiative to teach women at 20 colleges and universities how to negotiate their salaries and benefits packages with confidence.

AAUW’s research on the gender pay gap shows that, one year out of college, women are already paid significantly less than men — in 2009, women one year out of college who were working full time were paid, on average, just 82 percent of what their male peers were paid. And those lost potential earnings add up over a lifetime. AAUW Start Smart is specifically designed to teach college age women how to negotiate salaries for a new job. In every two-hour workshop attendees will gain confidence in their negotiation style through facilitated discussion and role-play.

“We get so far behind because we start so far behind,” Marissa said. “From a college woman’s perspective, they don’t know they are supposed to negotiate. Employers are expecting it, but women are afraid to ask.”

The work AAUW is doing to help women negotiate their salary and benefit packages doesn’t end with college age women, the organization’s programming also includes Work Smart, designed to help women in the workforce negotiate a new job, raise, or promotion. Both programs look at:

  • How to identify and articulate your personal value
  • How to develop an arsenal of persuasive responses and other negotiation strategies, including how to get a raise or promotion
  • How to conduct objective market research to benchmark a target salary and benefits
  • How the wage gap affects you, including its long-term consequences

Through these workshops, AAUW reports that women are better positioned for success. “Women who negotiate increase their potential to earn higher salaries and better benefits packages. By negotiating fair and equitable salaries, you’ll be better able to pay off loans, buy the things you want and need, and even save for retirement.”

Weaver has had her own experiences since launching her career and was lowballed early on. “My employer expected me to counter. I didn’t because I didn’t know I could. Luckily I was given a raise after a year to help.”

“You can’t be afraid to ask for what you’re worth, and what you want.” Marissa added. “Most of the time you’ll get something – a perk, a benefit, or money – you just have to ask. The first time you do it, it’s so scary, but once you do it, it’s so much easier.”

Ultimately, we have the power to change the status quo and close the pay gap, all we have to do is simply ask. We’re in this together, and by knowing our worth and using it as a tool to ask for the salary and benefits we need and deserve, we can change the workplace, our homes, our communities, and increase our perceived value to ourselves and to the world.

Order Your Copy of Dr. Nancy’s New Book Today!

Navigating negotiations and closing the pay gap are just a couple of the issues covered in Dr. Nancy’s new book, In This Together: How Successful Women Support Each Other In Work and Life, along with thoughts, inspiration, and stories from 40 successful women.

Order your copy – and gifts for your friends today! After you’ve read it, please, leave us a 5-star review on Amazon. Your review will help us reach more women with proven techniques for achieving gender equality by working with other women and our male allies.

Gender Equality Starts with a Conversation

gender equalityIn order to create gender equality in the workplace, women and men, need to start a conversation to share ideas from our diverse perspectives. By doing so, we can build an environment where every person – regardless of gender – is valued, respected, and equally compensated. It isn’t as easy as making a wish, we’re going to have to recognize where we are now, and develop strategies and work together to move forward from here.

In the new book, In This Together, we point to studies done by Catalyst, Fairygodboss, and others that show men’s perspectives about equality in the workplace differ from women’s. Women see the need for more women leaders, family-friendly schedules, and equal pay. Men, not so much. Men are not conscious of the discrepancy, so they don’t even see it. We all need to get on the same page together before we can write the next chapter. Don’t assume that anyone, especially men, will understand what it’s like to walk in your shoes unless you teach them what it’s like to be a woman in your workplace.

Building a case for our male counterparts to join us in our efforts isn’t one-sided, equality benefits us all. For example, McKinsey & Company found that companies with more balanced leadership do a better job recruiting and retaining talented workers, which leads to reduced costs for replacing top executives.  Gender equality can also:

  • Increase profits–as evidenced by a 2007 Catalyst report that finds Fortune 500 companies with the highest representation of women board directors achieved markedly better results.
  • Increase revenue–as MIT researchers also found that a more even gender split not only leads to happier, more productive employees, but it can also increase revenue by 41 percent.

The Institute for Gender Partnership, founded by podcast guest Rayona Sharpnack, who serves at the organization’s CEO,  teaches organizations how to master “Gender Partnership” so that they are able to effectively understand, connect, and communicate with 100% of customers, end-users, and stakeholders — AND fully able to attract, retain and develop 100% of the available talent pool. Through targeted leadership services and training programs, men and women are taught to learn from and leverage one another’s special skills and talents, listen to one another’s ideas, and to have patience with each other’s individual styles. It’s through this process that the Institute has found a team’s creativity, productivity, and decision-making are no longer hobbled by miscommunication, misunderstandings, or unconscious bias.

To bring your male allies on board, you can start small. As we write in In This Together, you can simply reassure your ally that you are neither holding him responsible nor expecting him to solve women’s problems; you only want him to become more aware. Communicate with your ally about your needs and goals and discuss biases, assumptions, and oppressive patterns of behavior that you observe at work.

From there you can think together strategically about how to address any issues that are inhibiting your ability to do your work, achieve your goals, and thrive in your relationships with your coworkers. Ultimately, open communication about these issues lets women and their allies develop positive working relationships based on their shared values. Communication will also create opportunities for collaboration among peers. From the outset women and their allies can agree to work together, share in the rewards of success, and give credit where credit is due.

Bottom line, gender equality starts with a conversation and looking for ways we can work together and achieve our goals. We need to highlight the thousands of ways we all win when we achieve equality and build the case to bring our male allies on board. Men are part of the solution, and when we work with them, we can change the workplace and the world together.

Order Dr. Nancy’s New Book Today!

Dealing with sexism and cultivating men as allies are just a couple of the issues covered in Dr. Nancy’s new book, In This Together: How Successful Women Support Each Other In Work and Life, along with thoughts, inspiration, and stories from 40 successful women.

Order your copy – and gifts for your friends today! After you’ve read it, please, leave us a 5-star review on Amazon. Your review will help us reach more women with proven techniques for achieving gender equality by working with other women and our male allies.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Work with Other Women, Not Against Them

Work with Other Women, Not Against ThemReady to get ahead? Then you need to start working with other women, not against them. We’re all on the same team, working toward the same goals, so why on earth do we sometimes forget that and treat each other badly, sabotage one another’s work, or hold another woman down? The aggression women can display towards one another can derail a job, or even a career, and works against women’s progress as a whole. This aggression doesn’t necessarily have to be obvious through bullying or other direct behaviors, it can be indirect and still quite devastating.

As we write in the new book, In This Together, sometimes women will sabotage one another and intentionally lie or destroy the work of others to discredit them, they may engage in backstabbing, or even take credit for the work of others. Whether it’s called bullying, bitchiness, relational or indirect aggression, or something else, women who hold each other back set us all back, which pushes gender equality even further away.  We can’t allow ourselves, or our progress, to be derailed by the bad behaviors of others, but instead must focus on ways we can work together, cooperate and collaborate to achieve our common goals.

In the workplace, women managers sometimes seek to protect their status in a hierarchy dominated by men by being overly tough on their female employees. This is what University of Arizona management professor Allison Gabriel calls the “Queen Bee Syndrome.” Gabriel conducted a large study and found that women, especially those who display traditionally masculine traits, such as dominance, are especially targeted. Women of color are also targeted more often.

However, aggression among women isn’t limited to those in power positions. Generally, women are meaner to each other than men are to women. Through her research, Gabriel concludes that women are more likely to suffer from what she calls “female-instigated incivility” than men are, and fall victim to low-intensity deviant behavior, like ignoring, interrupting, mocking, and other disrespectful treatments, used to put women back in their place.

What Not To Do

Some women can be disruptive for what appears to be nothing more than for the sake of disrupting. Here’s an example of a woman most of us have probably encountered at least once in our professional lives, and her actions are perfect examples of indirect aggression:

“Brittney” was hired to do a job with a specific deadline, but she didn’t do it. She also did not take responsibility for her failure to perform. In fact, not only did she fail to deliver, she manipulated her employer and other people around her. She took other people’s ideas and appropriated them as her own, without giving credit to anyone else. She doesn’t know what she’s supposed to do, and she’s not good at following directions. Whether her actions are merely thoughtless or intentional, she HAS demonstrated that you can’t trust her.

Brittney’s behavior has the potential to be detrimental to any woman – or man – involved in the project. Her lack of responsibility, follow through, and performance destroys relationships and kills friendships. Chances are Brittney can’t be rehabilitated, at least in her current position. Don’t allow yourself to get angry. While anger can be a great motivator, we weaken our ability to make change if we get derailed by our differences or spend too much time stressing over bad behavior. When you meet someone like this, your best bet is to say thanks but no thanks and move forward without her. Don’t try to be a shero and “fix her.” If you’re stuck in a workplace with her, find ways to work around her or cover for potential lack of follow-through. We discuss many options for working with this kind of person in Dr. Nancy’s new book, In This Together.

What’s important to keep in mind is that Brittney is the exception, not the rule. So is the bully in your office, and the snarky woman running the committee. It is our job to remain focused on being positive, helping others, and supporting one another. If we get sidetracked into attacking another woman, we’re less likely to organize and fight for equality for all. We need to actively look for ways to help one another, and put aside judgment and criticisms, and focus on what we share in common – our experiences, hopes, and dreams—and how we can help each other. Let’s stop working against one another and instead work together to make gender equality happen.

Order Dr. Nancy’s New Book Today!

Looking at what makes women mean and dealing with bullies are just a couple of the issues covered in Dr. Nancy’s new book, In This Together: How Successful Women Support Each Other In Work and Life, along with thoughts, inspiration, and stories from 40 successful women.

Order your copy – and gifts for your friends today!

Make Men an Equal Part of the Equality Solution

Part of the SolutionFor women to be equal to men, we must think equal, which means we need to engage our male allies, and make them an equal part of the equality solution. Unfortunately, eighteen months after the rise of the #MeToo movement, a new study by LeanIn.org has found that 60 percent of male managers said they are uncomfortable interacting with women at work and are afraid to have a one-on-one meetings – up 32 percent from 2018. Senior men who were surveyed are also nine times more likely to avoid traveling with a woman and six times more likely to hesitate to have a work dinner.

This is not good. Overwhelmingly men still hold positions of power at work, and this lack of access and potential mentorship can have devastating consequences on a woman’s career trajectory and gender equality as a whole. Rachel Thomas, president of LeanIn.org said that, “If men want to be part of the solution, then pulling away from women is the wrong thing to do.”

Sheryl Sandberg, Lean In’s founder and Facebook’s chief operating officer, recently said on CBS This Morning, “How do you get promoted without a one-on-one meeting?” You don’t. No one does.

“If there’s a man out there who doesn’t want to have a work dinner with a woman, my message is simple: Don’t have one with a man. Group lunches for everyone. Make it explicit, make it thoughtful, make it equal,” Sandberg said. “Men need to step up. We need to redefine what it means to be a good guy at work. It’s not enough to not harass, and I think too many people think that’s sufficient. That’s necessary, that’s a basic, but it’s not sufficient.”

With so few women in the C-suite and upper management, many women say their best mentors and allies have been men. As we wrote in the new book, In This Together, women employed in majority-male workplaces are already more likely to say that their gender has made it harder for them to get ahead at work. They are also less likely to say that women there are treated fairly in personnel matters, and they report experiencing gender discrimination at significantly higher rates. Disappointingly, nearly a third of women who work in mostly female workplaces say the same. These new findings, and increasing lack of access, makes a bad situation worse.

While women are leading the charge in the fight for equality at work, we cannot achieve parity without the support of men allies. All efforts to involve men in eliminating gender inequality, from historical women’s struggles, like suffrage, to sticking their necks out to support women at work today, hinges on one single strategy: communication, but we can’t communicate if we can’t get a meeting.

Catalyst reported that men’s support for gender equality can be engaged by appealing to their sense of fairness. In addition, shifting away from a win-or-lose mentality to recognizing that everyone benefits from gender equality can lead men to become greater advocates who endorse our efforts to change unfair practices.

We need equal access. We need to communicate our needs and goals and discuss ways to overcome gender bias, assumptions, and oppressive patterns of behavior at work. We need to point out the negative consequences of a lack of access and explain the ways that withdrawal severely limits women’s opportunities for advancement. Most of all, we need to highlight the thousands of ways we all win (men and women) when we achieve equality. Let’s not shy away from the steps we need to take to achieve gender equality in the workplace. The first step needs to be making men allies and an equal part of the solution. Let’s work together to make parity the norm.

Order Dr. Nancy’s New Book Today!

Dealing with sexism and cultivating men as allies are just a couple of the issues covered in Dr. Nancy’s new book, In This Together: How Successful Women Support Each Other In Work and Life, along with thoughts, inspiration, and stories from 40 successful women.

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Is Overwork Creating the Gender Pay Gap?

Is Overwork Creating the Gender Pay Gap?Today in the United States, the gender lens is focusing on new reasons for the continued gender pay gap, especially as women in the workplace continue to face the biggest gaps in leadership and pay, while being more educated than ever before. As we report in the new book, In This Together, the US gender wage gap is below 20 percent for women overall, although that doesn’t apply equally to women of color. In general, Latina women still have the biggest wage gap compared to white men (nearly 38 percent), then African-American women (32 percent), then white women (18 percent), and Asian women have the smallest gap (7 percent). Although companies say they realize they need to change and claim that their commitment to gender diversity is high, the gender wage gap and number of women in leadership has barely budged in decades.

While we could look at the varied causes of the gap and examine things like gender bias or a lack of family-friendly policies, two articles recently came out that point to something else entirely.

The New York Times reported on mounting evidence that has led economists and sociologists to look at the wage gap in a way that has nothing to do with gender and identify a major driver – the return to working long, inflexible hours. “The return to seemingly endless work weeks has increased dramatically and is a side effect of the nation’s embrace of a winner-take-all economy. This is especially true in what social scientists call ’greedy professions’ like managerial work, law, finance and consulting. The impact of this shift is so powerful, it has canceled the effect of women’s educational gains.”

It is important to note that there is no gender gap in the financial rewards for working long hours, and for the most part, women who work an extreme schedule get paid as much as men do. But far fewer women do it, particularly mothers. Youngjoo Cha at Indiana University, Kim Weeden at Cornel find that twenty percent of fathers now work at least 50 hours a week, whereas just six percent of mothers do.

The Atlantic also looked at overwork and further reported on the recently published research by Youngjoo Cha, who finds that the pressure to work more than 50 hours a week pushes working mothers out of what we think of as male-dominated professions. Using the Census’ longitudinal Survey of Income and Program Participation, Cha found a significant correlation between male-dominated professions and their tendency to have average working hours of more than 50 hours a week.

Cha blames gender biases about work that haven’t evolved much in the last few decades. “When people are really expected to dive into the workplace and have a complete devotion to work, that was probably possible because there was someone else who can do other things for that person,” Cha says. “This overwork norm is basically built upon those assumptions.”

A recent report published by the Center for American Progress says that, “Even the most fortunate—the better-educated and better-off professionals who tend to have access to paid leave, flexibility, sick days, and decent child care—find balancing the necessary demands of work and home an increasingly fraught and anxious-making endeavor in our era of “extreme jobs” and 24/7 availability.”

The report also finds that nearly three-quarters of Americans now say that they, their neighbors, and their friends experience hardship in balancing work, family, and professional responsibilities at least somewhat often, and nearly 40 percent say that they experience such conflict “all the time” or “very often.”

This tendency towards overwork, and the status that comes with it indicates that the gap is not just about women opting out to take care of family responsibilities, this is also about a fundamental shift in the nature of work. However, simply recognizing the problem is not enough, researchers say that workers have to demand change. As it sits right now, companies are reaping the rewards of having always-on workers and won’t make the needed changes just to be kind. They have to run the risk of losing top talent if they don’t – and that includes men.

When women are the only ones who switch to jobs with predictable hours or take advantage of flexibility, it hurts their careers. We need to change the status quo and work for policies that work for women and families, not against them. Millennial men aren’t buying in to this “always-on” approach and researchers find that they want more equal partnerships, and more involvement in family life. We need to engage them, and their older counterparts, to come together and work with us for gender-neutral policies that benefit everyone equally. We can change this overwork trend and close the gap if we address the problem together.

 

Order Dr. Nancy’s New Book Today!

Cultivating men as allies and working with them to achieve equality are just some of the topics covered in Dr. Nancy’s new book, In This Together: How Successful Women Support Each Other In Work and Life, along with thoughts, inspiration, and stories from 40 successful women.

Order your copy – and gifts for your friends today!

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